U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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