he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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