he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
