is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
