It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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