I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
