i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
