So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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