All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
smell my finger.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
