Just cropdusted the office
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
