I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
