Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
