Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i've created a new STD.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
