your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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