oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
