i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
