when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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