I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
