Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
