can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
