I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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