apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I currently don't understand fingers.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
