There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
