the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
