im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
