you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
