He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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