census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
