Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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