Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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