They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
