you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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