Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
