Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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