i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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