My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
