I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
