do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
