Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you didnt know i had herpes?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
