Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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