he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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