She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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