Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
