I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How does one acquire holy water?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
