You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize