i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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