If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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