this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
