Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
