he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am one with the molecules
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
