Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
