My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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