we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
