so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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