you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
