i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
