I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
