Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
