Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
