dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
