We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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