Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
