Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
