Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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